My life revolves around...?

Oh really? That's an interesting statement! But I beg to differ.

I thought about it on the long way home but I still think no. ._. My life essentially revolves around what I see as the many problems with the world, my life and myself. I choose not to discuss these things because I feel they are my problems, and mine alone. I don't even think they're appropriate to put on the web. Otherwise, I get fixated on things that don't stem from the life around me and would neither make sense nor interest most people (like clouds and the atmosphere, or a sudden curiosity in what defines a cat, or finding out why mimosa plants can grow into trees).

Coupled with the fact that I don't like interacting with most people because they usually bore me, are too noisy or make me feel left out unintentionally, all in all you could say I don't get out much. -_- I don't really have interesting things I observed to talk about because classes just go by in this mundane way, and so do lunch breaks. I think it's hard for topics that interest me to come up especially in a large group of people. D: Somehow the extent to which I shut down and shut up is proportionate to the number of people present in the conversation. As a result, go around rather alone. Sadly, there's a lack of occurrences, things or people to discuss.

If not, I doubt things. I spend a lot of time doubting our political system, doubting our education, doubting my abilities, doubting my existence, doubting the meaning of life. You could say it's all quite pointless and bleak, but firstly, I agree with that and secondly, I don't really want to discuss it with people. The way I see it, life is generally pointless and annoying. I'd rather discuss more light-hearted things that make both you and I happy, right? I could talk to you about the book I'm reading, but currently it's basically about the weakness, ineptitude or ill fate of people under the conscious or unconscious influence of power. Much of what goes on in my head is basically cynicism or doubt, or things that trouble me that I know I can't solve, which I'd hate to dump on anyone. If I go about sharing these things I think I'll get trapped in a spiral of negativity.

I don't like how my grades jump from better than good to failure. I can't figure out how to phrase my answers properly but I can't quite discuss my subjects with you either. -SIGH- Anyway, the fact that my grades aren't proportionate to the amount of effort I put in is just frustrating.

My dad was telling me that nothing in life is that important.
I still can't understand that concept. I actually feel (oh wow, I always thought I was more of an emotionless fish) that life should be important. Or is it the idea that 'life is to important to take seriously'? Ah, Oscar Wilde. I wonder how such an important thing as life can be worthless.

Yep okay! I shall sleep!

舒缓压力嘛。

对不起，我好像看不开了。说真的，这次‘比赛’让我更深地了解人生的不公平。这能算是分出高低吗？简直就是一开始就决定好要让谁会是赢家。在拼有什么用？人家一生都没学会公正。可能是没人教过吧。至于自己，我实在没料到会发生这种事。早知道就不该下去练，不会答应代替你。要怪也只能怪自己傻。付出总会化为一场空。但是我算是有一点情不自禁了？不清楚从什么时候开始喜欢上打套路，更不知道自己为何感染到那种精神: 那种辉煌的‘自强不息，永不言败’的精神。为自己鼓掌吧，因为你们这群人实在有魅力！能激励他人不怕痛，不怕累，坚持下去不是一件容易的事。对不起，我无法发挥在这一年来你们教我的一切。

对不起，我不擅长表达自己的心思。所以相信根本不会有人了解，虽然可能还会有人在乎。或许就用一百个对不起表达！

奇怪。当初加入武术队十分不甘愿，现在要离开却觉得万万不舍。花了六年的时间，虽然学到了许多，根本没什么实在的收获。怎么办？

Is it fate?

Well. Tomorrow's the last day of competitions! Competitions are funny things. They're unpredictable no matter how good or bad you are. Or how hard you've worked. Because unreliably inevitably people injure themselves or find out they have asthma! What the heck. My ankle didn't even bother me this time but whoa, wheezing?! Walao. What a joke.

The point is it's just sad that I didn't contribute any points when I probably could have, especially for dao. DDDD: I don't knowwww. If I had started learning gun earlier, or if my lungs didn't die on me, I might have placed. -SIGH-

Feels like a waste of effort. Even though it was the best I could do under the circumstances! (In conclusion the circumstances kinda suck.)

There's only A levels to work towards now! Unfortunately, mugging gets really boring after a while. Pfffft.

I guess I should sleep soon. ):

就靠意志力了！

I can walk! >D YAY~ I realise I don't realise how important every part of a person's body is until you injure stuff. ._. I love you dear ankle, please recover soon (and fully)! -sigh- Must continue to believe you will recover! I hope the 一圈半 will go fine! D: Plus I'm seriously considering pulling out for 新长拳. It has the highest chance of me re-injuring myself and the lowest chance of winning anything so... ah. Mm.

Well I'm too bored so I shall post a blogthing(or 2). :D 'Kay see ya~

Your Height Says You're Introspective



You are a very vulnerable and spiritual person. Your emotions run deep.

You have a philosophical and poetic soul. You think things through and are a bit of a skeptic.



You tend to be very opinionated. You are a perfectionist with high standards.

You prefer to work alone. You work hard, and you don't like interruptions.



You are about as tall as the average Japanese woman.

What Does Your Height Say About You?

Your True Birth Month Is January




Loyal

Social

Logical

Easily jealous

Loves children

Rather reserved

Highly attentive

Likes to criticize

Needs close friends

Ambitious and serious

Smart, neat and organized

Hardworking and productive

Loves to teach and be taught

Quiet unless excited or tensed

Sensitive and has deep thoughts

Knows how to make others happy

Searches for the greatest romance

Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds

Romantic but has difficulties expressing love

Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

What's Your True Birth Month?

I don't know about the 'easily jealous', 'loves children', 'highly attentive' and 'likes to criticise' part ahaha. xD

My mother is a genius.

Seriously. She just threw away my remaining oral medication. Well. I have nothing to say. At least I didn't leave my topical medicine in the plastic bag?

I don't understand. If you call up all our distant relatives and your colleagues to moan about my injury, how is it you can kick me in the ankle and not even apologise? Same goes for discarding my medicine. Why the hell do I exist anyway? I really don't think I'm here because you wanted to care. Last time I checked, I take better care of myself than you do. (But then again I don't take very good care of myself.) It's fine if I've a long time to recover, but I don't. ...you're not helping. Goodness.

Aw damn, being angry isn't helping either! TSK.

Yes, that being said I hope the videos upload to mediafire (in 2 hours time). For some reason even the videos smaller than the attachment limit fail to be sent through email! D: -SIGH- I need a hug. And some time away from my mum (which I can't manage). Oh. Need sleep too. Damn it all.

Being a block-ed block.

ARGH block test continues tomorrow! And this time 'round the time table seems even stupider than before because I've 2 empty days to mug Top Girls. ._. (whichIdon'tknowhowtomug.) Well, I suppose it beats ending early and feeling empty. Is that strange? Seems I've gotten so used to studying for things that when I'm not, life feels that much more pointless. Ah, I need to get a life. Perhaps.

Well now, thought I'd give up mugging because the water table in my brain has risen so much that more and more of the surface runoff is saturated overland flow. Physical geog(Y). Translated into English, that means my brain's so saturated stuff is starting to pour out. That's not to say there isn't/wasn't a substantial amount of infiltration excess flow too. (Mugging is too intense, but it has been since last year. ._.)

After looking at the prospectus for universities, I'm damn worried about A levels. The minimum is what, AAB? What if I can't find the right way to answer by November? What if I've forgotten my texts from last year? What if I blank out? What if the questions are deliberately weird? Plus what's wrong with me? I've never panicked over any exam before! Or over most things, in fact. -sigh- This be the annoying thing about caring, I s'pose. You could say I'd rather not invest too much in the things I do, 'cause my emotions get dragged along. D< And damn, do I have no control over them. Emotions are such irritating things! All they've done so far is impede any actual efficiency or progress. Personally, I feel like I lost control over myself if I get emotional, then I get more emotional because I've lost control. Vicious cycle. Sucks. There's also the bit where emotions can't be controlled to begin with, but feeling sad is feeling sad, feeling happy is feeling happy. Hmm.

Meh, is it just me or are my posts crazier around test periods? Ack, I feel a bit insane! o_O

Anyway, speaking of insanity, Ching Yee and I were distracting ourselves with caricatures of people! (One of which became a depressed fluffball, another which was a biantai looking balloon?!) Yes, I guess studying econs isn't good for your sanity! Not that any other subject has the reverse effect? :D Oh neither does talking about, I dunno, hair? o.o

Ah, I'm at a loss for words again. ^^; Eheheh.

Wheeeee social experiments are interesting~ What makes certain things inappropriate and other things fine? (...I still dunno how 'okay' it is to, let's-not-discuss-this-here. >< Eh I feel bothered again although I'm not supposed to. Or aren't I? Eheh. :D) By the way, what if I_? (Ah, I mean, 'Never give up on anything you can't go a day without thinking about'?!) My wonderful friend Denial is failing me~ D: D: D: AW C'MON. ._.

Uhhh here are more inspirational quotes!

'When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.'

'Everything is okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end.'

'I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't.'

'Forget all the reasons why something might not work, all you need is one reason why it will.'

Oh-kay enough inspiration, it's 10pm! Shall sleep early!

I'm like a bird~ (But literate!)

I'll only fly away~ Haha, nah, I don't have wings! Hello, Sarah! Would you care to explain why I remind you of a bird? xD I don't completely understand 'cause as far as I can tell I don't have wings.

... I've been reading about anti-bacterial products. Haha I was curious about the ingredients in my powder so I googled it. Pretty scary. Apparently most of them add chemicals (which I recognise from reading the labels in the shower!) which are carcinogenic. Being the hypochondriac I am, I am disturbed. o__o (Speaking of which, I should lift my wrists off the laptop and place it on a higher, flat surface. Not that I have any -cough- male gametes to worry about but the heat is almost painful.)

Time to digress!

I spent half the day with Ching Yee today. xD At Queenstown library. (No, we didn't invite Jiahe to come.) Trying to annotate my lit book is... tedium to say the least. But it's rather interesting too of course. :D If not, I wouldn't be a lit student. Both of us got distracted by quote books hahaha. Here's an example: 'The only thing I cannot resist is temptation'. O: Such a Wilde thing to say.

Tsk tsk, everyone around me has been telling my to have more confidence. o_o Tall order. I might be able to pretend, but it'll take time. =\ Oh well.

I've just had an epiphany! Y'know, anything with menthol in it should help with itching, right? So perhaps applying tiger balm will relieve it. o.o It's not quite so dangerous compared to other strange concoctions, no? (Yes, the point being that Cheng Yong's eczema is scary to the extent where I mistook the brown marks on his shirt for rust to which he responded, 'Blood. Ignore.' and folded it in. ><) Alright, sorry, let me find more interesting things to talk about. ._. Was distracted by the pot of it on my table. Oh, I was reading somewhere that an active ingredient should help with arthritis in the long run. o.o

Well, uh, sporcle.com is an interesting website! They're 'mentally stimulating diversions'. :D Quite true actually. It's a good place to test your general knowledge too! But don't worry, it's fun. ^^

AH, GP. I'm too verbose. Can be more succinct. Maybe like this. Haha, my normal writing style is peppered with redundant adjectives and add-ons, if you care to notice. D: Sorta like the previous sentence.

Oh! There's a new season of The Mentalist actually! But it isn't aired on channel 5 anymore, sadly. Hmm maybe I'll be able to find it online. Same goes for the BBC series Sherlock. I finished watching the first season on the plane! It just occurred to me that it's been 2012 for a while so it has been out for a while now. ^^

Right, it's almost 1am, so I guess I shouldn't try searching for episodes to watch now. Not like my brain is functioning at the moment either. Until next time then!